Help I've got FOMO!!

So I’m curled up on the sofa, with cup of tea in hand all prepared for a quiet night of relaxation. It’s been a long and busy week, so the peace is sweet – or so I thought. Suddenly my phone begins beeping and I receive an offer to go for drinks with the girls, “just a few of us” it reads, but even that is enough to get my mind racing. As I read the text I gradually begin feeling restless; my once perfectly relaxed evening has now got me feeling anxious and irritated. Flashes of ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ start speeding through my brain as I start to weigh out my options, “I was really looking forward to a night in but these drinks could turn into a wild night to remember” I say to myself, what the hell am I going to do? It takes me around half an hour to make my choice but soon I’m up swapping my tea for a glass of wine and getting ready to hit the tiles.

Am I just incredibly indecisive or have I got what is now known as FOMO – “Fear Of Missing Out”?  Once known as “Keeping up with the Joneses”, FOMO is a new modern malaise caused by an anxiety that you’re missing out on something fantastic. It started life as a disorder of jealousy but has today morphed into a full-blown psychological condition - and I’m beginning to think that I’ve got it. 

I’ve been known to be one of the most indecisive people on the planet, ask me to make a decision and World War III breaks out. This is what I believe stems from a worry of feeling regret or letting people down. Generally in life today we are put into situations where we need to balance out who we see and how often, and for people like me this is where an anxiety of letting people down becomes my pitfall. With divorced parents, a long distance relationship and a large group of friends I’m inevitably going to have to say no to one or the other, but I hate saying no, especially when it’s because I’ve already quickly committed to one invitation and I have to miss out on theirs.  Maybe I’m just a wimp, but wouldn’t life be great if you could divide yourself by six?

A few classic symptoms of FOMO include going out when you’re sick when you really should be resting – you go by the motto that unless you’re nearing death you’ll get through it. Saying ‘no’, then regretting it so saying ‘yes’, then re-thinking it and saying ‘no’, then minutes later stomping up those stairs to get ready is another classic. And lastly starting a war with yourself to decide between missing out on sleep versus missing out on a party – you’re absolutely shattered but couldn’t think of anything worse than hearing how great it was the next day, a six-pack of Red Bull should do it.

Psychiatrists say that this is problem is “emblematic of the digital era” as the FOMO flares while skimming social media websites like Facebook and Twitter. This is true, however, my FOMO is also encouraged by our era of smart phones.

Currently in the middle of a crisis I find myself faced with a “Do I choose a Blackberry or I- phone?” dilemma. I know what the obvious choice for many would be, yet although I am aware that the I-phone is in fact the best choice for me I’m gearing towards the Blackberry for one reason and one reason only – BBM conference chat.  There are eleven girls in my group and all but three of us have Blackberry’s BBM conference (otherwise known as BlackBerry Messenger conference). This feature allows us all to chat together in one big message, and whether it’s discussing weekend plans, or telling juicy gossip I thrive off being kept in the loop. Don’t you just hate it when a story is shared when you’re out at dinner and everyone else knows the foundations of the story except you? They all begin laughing so you just laugh along as though you fully understand and hope that by the end of the discussion it’ll all have glued itself together. This is something I find a real issue in life and I’m fully aware I sound crazy, but I bet I’m not the only one.

While there are apparently a few upsides to FOMO such as feeling more connected to people, occasionally there is a darker side. What people don’t always notice is that this is a dangerous lifestyle which can cause problems with health, relationships and finance. Those who spend every waking hour (or as much of it as they can) not missing out on things, will keep themselves going and ignoring when their body is begging them to stop. Drinking Red Bull and popping copious amounts of caffeine tablets is never a good thing and can lead to weight loss, sickness and exhaustion, and I say this speaking from experience. Your finance will, without a doubt, take a dive as you’re consistently splurging cash, and if you spend every waking minute checking up on what your missing out on, family or your other half could well be feeling second best. Regardless of how much fun you’re having – a partner who spends their time texting or checking Facebook doesn’t scream “I’m so pleased I’m spending time with you” does it?

In our brave new world of social media, where everyone is communicating what they are doing every minute of the day, this sense of paranoia in FOMO sufferers reaches extremes, because suddenly we’re not only aware of our own choices but are instead bombarded with those of others as well.

The reality is that we should all be settling for what we have, rather than clinging on to the fear that we may be missing out on something better. My first step in doing this is by making that choice and upgrading to an I-Phone. I may be missing out on the BBM conference with eight of my friends but at least I can have Whatsapp conference chat with all my I-phone friends.

xx<3xx

So what....it's only Valentine's Day!

It was a few years back now, during the third Century, in the days of the Roman Empire when a certain St Valentine gave his life in the honour of love. Back then it was all about love letters and a kiss on the cheek...little did he know that hundreds of years on we’d be celebrating his life with teddy bears and heart-shaped helium balloons, but times do change I suppose.

Valentine’s Day has become somewhat of a controversial topic in recent years with the divide between the single and the spoken for made even more obvious. Like a list of priorities the singletons are pushed to one side while the coupled-up are given the “privilege” of having their names highlighted in bright pink as commercial marketing comes knocking at their door. The singletons feel left out and the loved-up are suddenly bombarded with a huge amount of pressure to make an effort. But why does it have to be that way? Surely everyone can take something good away from Valentine’s Day whether in a relationship or not?

“Celebrating love and affection between intimate companions” is the most common definition found for this “Day of Love” and true to its word we all comply and spend the day celebrating our affection for that “special someone in our life”. But who said that had to be a companion of the opposite sex, or even an “intimate companion”? Yes, Yes, I know this is how St Valentine wanted it but why can't people spend the day showing love and affection for their friends. You see many groups of single girls now making it their mission to avoid being alone on Valentine’s Day by going out as a group and I think that’s the best single way to do it. A fun night on the tiles has got to be more exciting than a candle-lit meal where you can’t even see your bloody food, let alone your date. And who knows after a bottle of wine or three, Cupid may pop down and give you a gentle nudge towards Mr Blue-eyes sat in the corner. Although please note if you’re manically depressed about being single, watch the alcohol consumption to avoid a rather embarrassing  “I just want a boyfriend” sob later that night, not a good look.

While some may in fact celebrate Valentine’s Day in honour of the late Saint Valentine, in all fairness it is just a commercial hype to push sales. The majority of loved up couples whether they notice it or not are made to think that they have to be doing something romantic - sending flowers, boxes of chocolates, fancy jewellery and candle lit meals out, it’s all really about spending money, and we buy into it.

Right now, I’m aware that I probably sound like one of those manically depressed singletons who’s already decided the names of her cats and decorated their bedroom, but I’m not. I’m actually loved-up with a man who when he wants to be can be very romantic, and yes last year we did have that candle-lit meal where I could barely see my food let alone him, and he did send me a red rose with a lovely little note. I can therefore see why those in a relationship enjoy the holiday so much, because it’s nice to acknowledge that you care for each-other, and of course any girl would agree, whether its diamonds or flowers a gift is a gift and you’re bound to get something even if it is a tiny gesture. Valentine’s Day make you feel good and when you have someone lovely in your life why not celebrate that.

I haven’t written this post to be smug about my blissful love life but the truth is I haven’t been single on Valentine’s Day for a very long time...not through planning; it’s just how my relationships have worked out. But because of this I have been able to see the pros and cons of this heart- shaped day and right now my opinion is stuck in the middle. This year I admit I’m being a bit romantic but I don’t agree that just because it’s Valentine’s Day everyone has to suddenly start pouring their hearts out. For the loved-up Valentine’s Day should be every day and the singletons shouldn’t have to put up with being shoved in the single bin during the two week run up, they should instead be embracing that they haven’t got a human farting machine lying next to them every night.

Look at it this way Valentine’s Day is just another day in the calendar, but to all you love birds,enjoy the romance and for you singletons, if you find yourself desperately searching for love this weekend....stop looking. Cupid will find you one day!  

xx<3xx

This year...blue is not my colour!

Quite literally as the clock struck twelve on January 4^th the whole nation fell into a deep depression. Face book status’ quickly changed from New Year cheers and resolution making to a simple groan of “Back to work” followed by several sad smiles.

The January blues hit all of us every year regardless of our age. For the young, it’s back to that dreaded word school, and the month and a half running up to the February half term sure is a long stretch – not (what I’d do to be young again). For the university students, from what I remember it’s the worst month of them all – a whole December of boozing, socialising and constant sleeping is then rudely awakened with a huge slap in the face from Mr Exams and Mrs Assignments because its then that they suddenly realise they’re not on a 12 month holiday. Of course they then go back to months of boozing, socialising and constant sleeping but they have to endure January first.

Then there’s the rest of the nation, the full timers. Unless you’re one of those liars who say they really enjoy work, it’s quite literally the most depressing day of the year.  When the alarm goes on that first cold, dark morning back to work, you could tell me David Beckham was waiting for me at the office, topless, wanting to wish me a Happy New Year – with the kiss, and I would still pull the duvet cover over my face and attempt to throw my bedside lamp at you.

But this January, I refuse to be blue.  Instead I intend to be a bright shade of happy yellow. Its unbelievable how quickly the transformation from festive joy and merriment descends to pure misery and gloom and I’ve come to the conclusion that it can be avoided.

Being the festive fairy I am, I know that when it’s all over and the Christmas decorations come down we all look back and focus on how much fun it’s all been - stuffing our faces with chocolates, cheese and pastry, drinking our merry heads away with mulled wine, and best of all, not having to set an alarm. It’s no wonder we’re all depressed when the Christmas wall is knocked down only to reveal what was a once ‘curvy’ body is now pure wobble, the drinking detox begins and that dreaded alarm is turned back on. But if you ignore all those memories and look forward you’ll find it’s actually not that bad.

The best part about the New Year is deciding how you’re going to make it the best year yet, and then progressing to ensure you stick to your word. Holidays are my favourite past time so for me it’s planning trips and time away, and most importantly ensuring they’re staggered throughout the year to avoid that long gap of nothingness. Next, stop moaning that its cold – during December we all revel in the winter weather; we buy chunky knit jumpers, go on winter walks followed by an afternoon in the pub and then go home to put the fire on. But just because the Christmas season is over, that doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy it. Put on your wellies, buy a quirky umbrella and splash around in the rain. And finally most importantly of all save some money to get you through it – if I had a £1 for the amount of times I hear “I can’t this month I’m skint” – well let me tell you I certainly wouldn’t be. They say money can’t buy you happiness, but come on we all know it does, especially at desperate times like these. So start saving for January, even if it’s a small amount, I bet it’ll put a smile on your face when your able to go for that detox facial or you can cure that depression with a January mini break.

I’m determined that every January I’ll make it my New Year’s resolution to turn the January blues, yellow. Just as the Christmas misery starts to show his face I celebrate a Birthday – January 3^rd, so not only am I left with national misery at my feet, I also have to deal with the fact I’m growing older, not to mention the fact everyone is all celebrated out and feels psychically drained at the very idea of having to endure another night on the tiles. If I can do it, anyone can, and I intend to make it my annual mission for years to come.

xx<3xx